Remembering Nitesh & finding purpose of this life

Celebrating Spirit of Nitesh's Life!

It has been a month since my love, Nitesh left his physical body to become divine light.
It takes a lot to get through each second of the day, as every conscious moment is a reminder of his absence. The sense of loss got heightened to the extent that days felt like months and the sorrow seemed to bring time to a standstill.

Nitesh was my world. My sole purpose to live revolved around his existence and now it feels so empty without him. I find it difficult to make sense of what happened. Every time the finality of the situation sinks in, my world seems to come crashing down, all over again. One moment he was right here with me, and in the next, he is somehow gone. I understand that the course of our lives has changed forever, but I instinctively keep looking out for him even now.

Every time I remember him, I also am reminded of the mission we had together vowed to set on. Nitesh was my motivation to wake up every morning and my inspiration to fight. With him not around, there are times I feel I don't have the energy to do anything. It feels like there is a void in my heart, making it difficult for me to breathe. I try to take up new activities to distract myself. For a moment I feel better and start to think of something else but then the mind retracts and the guilt that fills me is unexplainable. I feel guilty for being the one who got left behind. The one person I used to run to, to share even the simplest of thoughts. Every time I see the portrayal of love, be it between a couple, a bunch of friends or a parent and child, I feel happy for them because it truly is a blessing to be able to share one’s love. No matter in which form. No matter with who. Hold on close to those around you, it is the only thing that matters in life.




But then I force myself to think about what Nitesh believed in, what he would have done had he been in my place and what we would want me to do. I go through the multitude of beautiful and motivational letters and posts that I received from so many of you, which encourages me to pick myself up and fulfill our mission.
I gather the strength to look past my loss and see hundreds of messages from kind and innocent souls who are suffering and need our guidance. They are just as lost as we were when we started on this journey and all I can think of is that it is my duty to help them. This is where I can turn my sorrow into something bigger than me, something that reaches out to the rest of humanity and gives my life a constructive goal.

To move forward with my life, dear friends, it is you that I look up to for strength. I see a part of Nitesh in all of you and this makes me realize that I cannot give up and crumble under the sadness. My heartfelt gratitude to you for encouraging me and Nitesh in the most crucial time of our lives and motivating me through your kind messages. Given my current circumstances, this is the ray of hope that I cling on to, it means more than the world to me.
Nitesh always believed that love has the power to defeat cancer. He wanted the world to know this and it is now my mission to turn his belief into actions. Attached is the screenshot of the Tagline written by Nitesh in his diary. Today, his words are the prayers that I chant as I start working on the website www.lovehealscancer.org. This is my humble step towards helping people suffering from this dreadful disease. I want them to know that they have all my support as they take their first steps towards challenging the disease which frequently threatens so many lives. I want them to feel comfortable and face the biological evil with grace and smoothly partake of all activities required to defeat it.

I'm sure that with your love and kindness, I'll be able to fulfill this mission.
Nitesh will always be the light of my life, and now "Lights will guide me home ".
In the loving memory of Nitesh. Celebrating Nitesh's life every single day.
~ToLove❤
#fightison