Return to India

With folded hands, smiling face and heart filled with gratitude,

As I return home, it is time for me to bid goodbye to my family here in the USA and thank the multitude of people who stood by us through our battle.
Needless to say, Nitesh and I are deeply touched by the numerous gestures by so many strangers who we warmly consider as our friends now. Thank you for welcoming us into your homes, feeding and clothing us; and easing our pain along the way.

I would humbly like to thank the IIT-IIM strong alumni network, Soka Gakkai International (SGI) , ServiceSpace, Guruji Sangat, and Karia family for adopting us and taking care of us. My deepest gratitude to all those people who supported us emotionally, logistically, informationally and financially. Your blessings ensured that Nitesh was happy till the very end. I thank you for making it easy for us. This has transformed us and we want to do the same for others.

Service Space family in the US

Wow. Life is beautiful, and the people are wonderful. I thank God and my late husband Nitesh for showing me the path of love and care. After losing the only love I have known in life, at the age of 27, it is nothing short of a rebirth for me with so much love, compassion, gratitude, courage, and support coming my way.

All of this started with my journey with Service space. From the smoldering ashes of the past, a flower blossomed when the founder of Service Space, Nipun, walked into my life. I met many kind souls on this beautiful journey, the first of whom was Nipun bhaiya. He opened New dimension of possibilities with Love for me :) 

I humbly bow down to him for everything he has done for me. I learned from him, LEAD WITH LOVE & CHANGE THE WORLD. I met Nipun bhaiya first in Berkeley, and with that meeting, a new journey began. :)

Letter to Michael Lerner about Nitesh's dreams

Dear Michael,

Greetings:)

This is with reference to the letter written to you by Kim (with ref to Sarah). As I was reading "Choices of healing" and about my favorite topic Death, I landed upon this letter by Kim and read it multiple times. I got goosebumps and very excited about reading this because this is the exact same thing happened to me with my late husband Nitesh.

After Nitesh's death (March 14th, 2018), my only concern was "If he is okay up there?". I used to ask God and Nitesh to tell me if he is happy up there. Two months after his death, I got 5 dreams in 2 weeks and all 5 were almost the same (he was not well in the beginning and then he completely recovered). I want to share those 5 dreams with you in short:

1) June 1st, 2018: He was not well and he was admitted to the hospital. I was visiting him every day. He was getting better and better and started playing, laughing with the kids in the hospital. Last day he said, Go home dear Dimple, I am completely fine now :)

2) June 8th, 2018: When I was planning for my return trip to India, He came to my dream, I was surprised and I told him, you are right here with me. Then why did I book only one ticket to India? Wait, lemme book your ticket as well. He said, I don't need a ticket to go there, but I will always be there with you like this.

Remembering Nitesh & finding purpose of this life

Celebrating Spirit of Nitesh's Life!

It has been a month since my love, Nitesh left his physical body to become divine light.
It takes a lot to get through each second of the day, as every conscious moment is a reminder of his absence. The sense of loss got heightened to the extent that days felt like months and the sorrow seemed to bring time to a standstill.

Nitesh was my world. My sole purpose to live revolved around his existence and now it feels so empty without him. I find it difficult to make sense of what happened. Every time the finality of the situation sinks in, my world seems to come crashing down, all over again. One moment he was right here with me, and in the next, he is somehow gone. I understand that the course of our lives has changed forever, but I instinctively keep looking out for him even now.

Every time I remember him, I also am reminded of the mission we had together vowed to set on. Nitesh was my motivation to wake up every morning and my inspiration to fight. With him not around, there are times I feel I don't have the energy to do anything. It feels like there is a void in my heart, making it difficult for me to breathe. I try to take up new activities to distract myself. For a moment I feel better and start to think of something else but then the mind retracts and the guilt that fills me is unexplainable. I feel guilty for being the one who got left behind. The one person I used to run to, to share even the simplest of thoughts. Every time I see the portrayal of love, be it between a couple, a bunch of friends or a parent and child, I feel happy for them because it truly is a blessing to be able to share one’s love. No matter in which form. No matter with who. Hold on close to those around you, it is the only thing that matters in life.

Letter to Nitesh after he passed away

To my family, friends and all the beautiful souls

Our Nitesh has departed for a better place. On March 14th at 10 AM (PST) our fighter moved on to a new home where he is absolved of the limitations of a physical body. For the past one month, he had been on the ventilator and had come close to death thrice in the past three days. His willpower was forever strong, his love for us ever present. But God had better plans written.

To us, Cancer was by far the most influential teacher of our lives. It completely changed our outlook toward this brief period of existence on Earth. It made us value every single second we spent with each other and showed us that we were capable of emoting a love so pure, that we ourselves were shocked by the sheer strength of it.

And in the end, Cancer LOST.

Nitesh might have been taken away in the bodily form, but he still lives. His passion to defeat cancer with love and elevate the lives of people still lives. His resilient attitude that made him live for 2 whole months more, even when doctors estimated only a couple of days, still lives. And as long as we live, he lives. He lives through our actions and promises to help the rest of humankind. His legacy is indestructible as long as there is life on Earth.

Suffering is a new joy:

Sometimes suffering is not suffering. Those last days with Nitesh, I would gladly suffer again. It was an honor to hold him as he let go. It was a joy to put his needs first. It was a joy to ask, “Can you talk?” and be in love with whatever was true. It was the joy to cherish him, to understand that love is love and death can never kill a love like that. Suffering is not suffering. Suffering is a new joy :)
This is the last photo we had together. It's not about how much we live, it's about the way we live :)

#MovedByLove #Love #Giving #Gratitude#Compassion #BeautifulDeathLifeCycle

That fighting spirit of Nitesh

We faced a heavy blow today. Nitesh's latest scans report says that the current treatment has stopped working. We have been advised to explore more clinical trials on an urgent basis.

The past two years have been an unending struggle for me and my love. Nitesh is my world and when my world shook up, all of you came to our rescue. Where we are now is because you supported and guided us. You prayed for us, focussed all your efforts in aligning situations, people and opportunities in our favor.
With your help, we did all we could to take on this ordeal. And it is through your support that WE WILL WIN.

Ode to our friend Tom Marsilje: A cancer fighter & cancer scientist

This is an Ode to our friend Tom Marsilje, who received his wings on Nov 14th.

A few months ago, we got to know of Tom Marsilje (Dr Thomas Marsilje) while searching for the right course of action for Nitesh. Tom, who was himself fighting Colorectal Cancer resolved to help humanity out by starting Late Stage MSS-CRC Trial Finder http://trialfinder.fightcrc.org/ to ensure that lack of timely information does not get in the way of Colorectal Cancer treatment. 

He himself was suffering from Stage 4 Colorectal Cancer and undergoing painful treatment. The level of maturity he has displayed is an example for all of us to carry throughout our lives.
It goes without saying that the first thing we wanted to do on landing in USA was to meet Tom. We got to spend a sunny afternoon with him in San Diego. For an unknown reason, we felt there was a higher power behind making it possible. He inspired us to fight and is our go-to person, was an ever guiding light.

Nitesh sharing his positive reports

Well, I have still got a lot of fight left in me! After reading the latest CT scan reports, it feels like music to my ears. 

- No new metastatic lesions.
- Reduction in size of few tumors.
- Most Critical and Life-Threatening tumors have reduced in size.

None of this would have been possible without you and for this, I owe you my life. You have been praying for me, helping Dimple and me out in ways that we could have never fathomed. My willpower shot up when I saw the number of people supporting me, actively taking time out to wish for my recovery. If my faith ever dwindled, you restored it.

Angels Walk In Our Lives

One year back, when we first landed in the US for my late husband Nitesh's cancer treatment, we felt like lost children, helpless and extremely incapable of making it out on our own. Nitesh's health was on a downward spiral and we had no clue as to how we would manage to live in this country with limited means and no support.
But then we got connected to the Karia family (Strangers for us at that time Poonam Karia, Parag Karia), who saved us. The past few months have been the most liberating ones, in our lives.

Nitesh was showered with abundant love and I was given immense amounts of support, dignity, and respect, things I felt were at times hard to come by back home. They took care of us, clothed and fed us, told us that we could defeat the disease and gave us immense satisfaction by supporting and understanding us, while many others were struggling to do so. 

In search of the miracle

This is a message to my well-wishers here. I have been feeling a heavy burden in my heart and thought it would be good to share it with my friends.

It's been one month that Nitesh and I flew to the USA for his treatment. Although we looked forward to the entire journey it was not easy, to say the least. Long hours of flying from one city to another, back and forth trip to the hospitals drained us. Nothing felt good. The toll of travel made him weaker to the extent that a few doctors refused to take his case. But he fought on and we consulted other hospitals and specialists who agreed to help us out. Our Alums and extended friend circle in the US made us feel at home and I couldn't be more thankful to them. 

But this is not a bed of roses. It never was supposed to be, and now it is getting tougher by the day. Nitesh feels a lot of pain despite medicines. His appetite is non-existent. There have been days when he goes to sleep on an empty stomach even though I prepared a meal for him.
At times, I wonder why we must go through this. We feel like two kids lost in this maze. Our friends in the USA have been witness to our struggles.